The following is a sequel to a story I haven't parodied yet. Makes this kind of hard to follow, doesn't it? Well tough titties!

She was sitting in the corner of the room when I came in; trying desperately not to let me see her tight little cunt through the revealing cloths I had made her wear (Ignore the fact that I told her to put her clothes back on in Part I, k?). With her tiny, low cut miniskirt barely covering her ass, and her breasts struggling to stay inside the short shirt, she was a vulnerable as could be. I walked over to her and she looked up at me, placing herhands over her crotch like a whore trying to hide a disease.

"Move your hands and spread your legs as wide as you can." I said calmly and without malice.

"Don't steal from Blue Velvet, faggot," she said and I slapped her hard across the face.

"Rule one: you do what I say when I say it with no hesitation. Doing otherwise will get you punished. And don't make any mention of the films I take ideasl from. Now, spread you legs."

Reluctantly, she complied, exposing her pink pussy. As I ran my fingers over it slowly, she let out a whimper of humiliation and looked away. I'm so hardcore.

"Come with me. We're going to the house of a friend who is... in need of assistance." I stood up and walked toward the doorway.

"L - Like this... I look like..."She stood up and looked down at herself.

"You look like the whore that you are." I mocked her. "Now, you either follow me willingly or I put you on a leash. It's your choice. Do you want to look like my willing whore, or my dog?"

"I'm both, ain't I?" She sneered sarcastically under her breath.

"That's one." I warned. "Get to three and you get whipped. You understand?"

"With what?"

"JUST GO!"

. . .

As we went, I made sure to plan the longest and most populated root I knew of. As we walked through the busy subway station, my little whore shrank inside herself as passers by stared at her. She had refused to willingly follow me dressed as she was, so I led her along on a leash like a disobedient animal. She glared desperately at two security officers that were stationed in the area, her eyes pleading with them, but they only laughed and made obscene hand gestures.

When we finally got on the subway car, she was disgusted to see that the train was as crowded as the station had been. She was the sole victim in a rain car of perverts.

I could see her desperately trying to pull her skirt back in place as the man next to her traced her vulnerable body up and down with his eyes.

"Masturbate." I told her sternly, the man next to us perked up just about as much as his member.

"What?!" She cried, but my standpoint was unchanging.

"I want you to pleasure that little cunt of yours for all these people to see." I was nowhere near conservative with the volume of my voice and my words were followed by the hollers and cheers of several fellow passengers.

"I can't do that!" She shrieked in utter fear, but I can't say that anyone around her - including my self - gave a shit

"That's two."

"I..." was all she said before she slowly reached her hand down to her crotch. She hesitated only for a minute before running her fingers over her cunt.

"Are you waiting for an invitation?" I pushed her hand down on herself hard as it slipped in. "Don't make me hurt you here.

But when I said that, two people approached me, some blonde kid and a guy in a fox costume.

"Hey Kyle," the blonde kid said. "This guy doesn't seem to be respecting the ladies. Maybe you should teach him a lesson."

I narrowed my eyes. "Bring it furfag," I replied.

. . .

After the unpleasant feeling of having a Tails doll shoved up my anus, we got to the house after the trip that seemed to be about an hour. Her name was Clara and she was a friend of mine whose subbie (WTF?) John was away on a two week trip to a conference for work in California. Clara was impatient and not the kind to be quite about her needs.

Clara opened the door and looked at Amanda, who looked back up in shock. Amanda was a homophobic cunt who never wanted anything to do with homosexual relations and she wasn't about to be okay to be in that situation with a woman. After all, it's been two fucking stories since there was lesbian sex in an IFUN story.

"Well, aren't you cute?" Clara laughed. She was a tall woman with a well build, curvy frame and long dark brown hair. She touched Amanda's cheek, who backed away instantly.

"What's she at?" Clara asked.

"Two." I answered. "It's a good thing she didn't get to three earlier, as you has the whip. My ass has just been saved."

"I would imagine. Nevertheless, we'll fix that." She grabbed Amanda's face, this time not letting her back away. "Regardless of whether or not you want this, you have no choice." Clara smiled and then slapped Amanda across the face hard enough so that it forced her to her hands and knees.

"Get back down." I ordered as Amanda stood up.

"No!" Her voice shook with contempt.

"I think that's three, Luke." Clara said sternly.

"Fuck."

I closed the door behind me as I followed Clara, dragging Amanda along. We went downstairs to the basement where there was no chance of that little coward running away. Luckily for us, Clara lived in the middle of fucking nowhere where no one could here Amanda scream, which she was doing quite well at for such a small little person. We're two big people abusing a small person? Aren't we hardcore?

At the bottom of the stairs, Clara turned around and punched Amanda in the face as hard as she could. "Shut the hell up."

Now what happens when you punch someone smaller than you in the face? That's right, that someone gets knocked out.

A few minutes later...

Being out cold, I was able to force her to bend over a chair. Clara tied her arms to the armrests of the chair and took off her skirt, when she finally woke up.

"Please don't hurt me!" She cried, but with no avail.

"You were given clear warnings, but you disobeyed nevertheless. You have to understand that I can't have that." I stated solemnly.

Clara pulled out a chain from a drawer. She was never one for buying what she could make for free. Raising her arm high above her head, Clara swung the chain and damn near hit me.

"Watch the chain! Watch the chain!" I yelled.

"Sorry," Clara replied and brought the chain down and cracked me on the head. She swung it again and took out the overhead light. Another swing and the chain crashed into shelf of VHS tapes and DVDs.

"My hentai collection!" I exclaimed.

Clara then swung the chain so hard, she got tangled and fell down. This pissed her off big time, so she took careful aim at Amanda brought it down one last time. Unfortunately, she aimed to high and hit Amanda right in the head, K'Oing her.

Another few minutes later...

"Just use the damn cricket bat," I said, handing it to Clara.

"Fine." She took the bat and hit Amanda's bare ass, when the bat exploded.

"This bat is balsa wood!" Clara yelled.

"Whoopsie doodle."

"You son of a bitch!" she exclaimed and jumped on me, and kicking my ass, as I tried to figure out why I helped Amanda.

"Ah fuck this," I said and kicked Clara off of me, causing her to crash into my Revy figurine. "Let's just pretend we whipped her, okay?"

"Yeah, this is becoming more trouble than it's worth," Clara replied. She turned to Amanda. "Put on your cloths, go upstairs, and wait in the upstairs bedroom. You do nothing without my knowledge and approval. Second, you call me Mistress and nothing else. Thirdly, you don't not by any means refer to yourself in the first person. You're not worthy of that. You understand?"

"Yes Mistress."

"Good. It's now time for some hot lesbian sex."

This hard!

Updated: 04/02/08 3:49 PM 6 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

1. Play nothing but Atari 2600.
2. Like the Beatles.
3. Making "100 things..." topics.
4. Fucking a really ugly girl so you can claim to have had sex, minus the with an ugly girl part.
5. being unoriginal
6. Writing poetry.
7. Spamming ramdom ofensive language form your mouth
8. Replying in a locked thread.
9. Watch classic episodes of "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"
10. Cutting off your own dick.
11. Eating a live horse.
12. I beat wemon
13. Being able to suck your own dick.
14. Claiming to be hardcore.
15. faggot list threads
16. Swear a ton.
17. Being a smartass.
18. Replacing Pokemon tapes with Urotsukidoji tapes.
19. jerk off with a power saw
20. not knowing the numerical order
21. Wacking off to nothing but hard core lesbo porn.
22. Having 10 Level 70 WoW characters!
23. Being alive during the *looney tunes era*
24. Cutting your own hair.
25. Ordering the hardcore list.

The views in this list are not condoned nor supported by the author. Except for two.

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Farewell to my favorite level icon.

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I opened my eyes slowly as I regained consciousness. The last thing I remember was getting into a car and asking for the pub, but obviously that wasn't where I was. It was dark, empty, and in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Now it's time for Mr. Rapist to make his appearance...

Basically, some guy walked out of the shadows and tied my hands behind me, using the specially branded InsertFunnyUserName Rope (TM).

"What the hell do you want with me?" I hissed.

"I'M GONNA RAPE YOU."

After beating the shit out of me, he pushed me into the wall where I struggled as hard as I could, but he just hit me once again and held me tighter. "I have a gun. Either you obey me, or I kill you." He took out his gun and held it to my head, which made his beat downs pretty damn unnecessary. "What will it be?"

"That's a flare gun."

"Whoops."

awkward silence

"Well, I can still beat the piss out of you. Besides, you said you were headed for the pub, you were probably going to get fucked anyways. Now strip"

Other than sticking his fingers in between my legs, he never actually penetrated me. Instead, he smacked be around with a chain and took a nice, long piss on me. Then he hit me with a barbed wire, until I died from blood loss.

"And that's the end of that." he said.

Just then, a fireman's axe broke through the door of the warehouse (yes, the whole story took place in a warehouse) and a guy wearing red came in. Actually, he fell in, the door was weaker than he expected.

"Who the hell are you?" asked Mr. Rapist.

"I'm greensucksbluerules."

"Then why are you wearing red?"

GSBR paused for a second. "I'll tell you why," he began, and sliced Mr. Rapist in half while explaining why.

I make my entrance.

Updated: 03/10/08 8:17 PM 12 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

Third time is supposed to be the charm, so how come the third in a series generally sucks? Eh, whatever.

21. God damn it.
22. NEW COMPUTER!
23. Rant
24. Cloverfield review
25. My real name
26. Patriowned
27. Theft
28. How to handle an ED article.
29. The Sword: TLDR Part Two (SFW, but the NSFW warning seems to attract readers...)

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I woke up. I felt groggy, and rubbed my eyes. I sat up, supporting myself by my arms. I suddenly realized what happened what seemed like only seconds ago, but could be days, weeks, months, or... even years! I began to feel my torso, my face, my arms and legs. I was all there. I looked around in bewilderment.

*shit nobody cares about*

Before long, I realized I was where people would go when the sword killed them. And all those people I killed were going to be pissed. I wasn't looking to die with over 30,000 characters remaining and see a new hero take over the story (don't you hate it when that happens?).

After moving what I felt was a sufficient distance away from the potential mob, I sat down and thought of a way to get out. I looked over to the direction I was heading; the wall didn't seem any closer, so trying to break through might not work. Suddenly a hand was on my shoulder.

I jumped up after brushing it off, ready to fight. Without seeing the face, I yelled "Fuck off mother fucker, I'll fucking kill you like I did before, you dumb fuck!"

"Calm down, young master." said the old man I was now ready to kill. "You have no need to kill me"

"Well you should have grabbed my cock."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Anyways," he said, "I am the great wizard Johan Teyulam Gethran. I was once the wizarding body of the Providence of Tethlane. And I am going to tie up all of the loose ends in Part 1."

"I created the Sword of Galaton, which you were wielding. When the sword kills someone, their soul enters the gem of the sword and makes it more more powerful. You know, kind of like an RPG. Not do you want to hear the sword's backstory?"

"It'll probably bore the shit out of me (and the few people who are actually reading this crap) but there needs to be some explanations."

"Long ago, when the Providence of Tethlane was in the height of its power, a young, misunderstood, (but totally not evil) wizard named Zen444 enchanted a sword that could do the same as this; make its wielder more powerful with every kill it makes. A group of warriors needed to stop him; their leader, who went by the name Zendra, asked me to enchant his sword. I trained him on how to use it and we were ready to kick the little fucker's ass."

"When we found Zen444, he had already slaughtered a dozen villages. But even with that power, Zendra's skill and the sword's power was too much for the inexperienced and weak Zen444. Unfortunately, Zendra got cocky and started whipping Zen444, instead of going in for the kill. Suddenly, Zendra saw a naked woman which scared him and Zen444 took this opportunity to decapitate the poor bastard. He then killed Zerok and RageVI, two of Zendra's supporters."

"Why do all of these people have have unsual names, but you don't?" I asked.

"Don't ask me. I'm not the one writing this shit."

"Now before long, Zen444 killed the rest of the warriors. He then caught up to me and force me to fight. Seeing where I am now, there's no suspense on who won."

"But why isn't our world destroyed?"

"Because one of your ancestors defeated him."

"How? He had the power of the triforce- I mean all of the warriors and you."

"But foolish; he left the sword unattended while jacking off to dickgirls. Then TwilightFox snuck up behind him and sliced his dick off. Though TwilightFox was almost killed by Zen444's student, TehreTard, while TwilightFox was jacking off to furry porn. However, a PS Triple fell from the sky and flattened him." (Author's note: Yes, I am an idiot Xbox fanboy who has never played the PS3. Deal with it.) (Another author's note: I CAN'T BELIEVE BLU-RAY WON! FUCK!)

"Seeing that you're the hero, I need to transport you out of here to destroy the Sword of Noatlag, the evil sword," he told me.

"What about the world? I just killed over 100 people; how is the public going to react to seeing a mass murderer?" I was scared; I tried to cover it up, but I'm not as tough as I pretend to be.

"I think I can wipe people's memories of their loved ones and of what you did. But there are too many people who heard about you. There has to be some who can not get their memories changed." There was a moment of silence when I thought about the possible consequences of erasing certain people's minds of the terrible acts I had done.

After coming to a conclusion, I commanded "Get rid of all the memories the families have of their relatives and friends, and of the entire US. Also, I want Rachel Tilman's memories intact. The rest of the world can go fuck itself."

After doing so, Johan then transported me out of the sword, just before telling me that he would be trapped in the sword for all eternity. Probably to make me more determined to defeat the evil guy.

I was in an empty green canvas tent filled with tables, chairs, lamps and papers. The papers were scattered all over the table and were filled with reports on previous encounters and recommendations. After a quick search, I found the sword on one of the many tables. But as I picked it up, a man walked into the room. It was the commander and it is a well known fact that the United States army requires all of their commanders to be big black guys.

"Hey! Who are you, what are you doing here, and why the fuck are you touching my sword?!"

After damn near shitting myself, I said "Sir!" I saluted, hoping that would help with my act, "I am uh... Private Jenkins, sir. Command wanted me to uh... transport this sword to Area 51 immediately."

"Well tell them they can go fuck themselves. I've examined that sword for 2 hours and didn't find anything unusually about it, besides there's fucking huge gem in it. I'm going to keep it."

"But sir, Command said they need it now. They might want to test it themselves, sir." I tried to persuade him to let me take the sword, but it wasn't working. My heart was racing as I practically pleaded with him.

"Fine. I'll give it to you under one condition."

"What?"

He unzipped his pants. "Bend over, bitch!"

"Daddy no!"

After 2 hours of buttsex, I was finally allowed to leave. Fuck, now I couldn't walk straight. At least Jonas was able to make it appear I was wearing a uniform, so I could take a Humvee. According to him:

I am drawing upon the magical power in the gem. I want to save you some for your battle, so I'll keep it short. I'm going to die, and the only way to keep me alive is to kill the owner of the Sword of Noatlag. Soon, the power of this sword is going to wear out, and that will lead me to my demise.

Pardon me, but didn't you say you were trapped in the sword for all eternity? I replied.

Discuss any plot holes and I won't tell you where the owner is.

Fine.

He's in North Dakota.

But first, I decided to go to my house. Instead, I wound up at Rachel's house. Oh well, at least now there would be more sex in this story than the first.

At her house, I got a ladder from a tool shed and used it to get up to up to Rachel's room.

Rachel was sitting there, thumbing through a Playgirl magazine in her white lingerie on her bed. The room was pink, with white furniture. There was a small television in the corner, next to the sliding wooden doors which I guessed to be a closet. A small lamp sat on a night stand next to the bed, and a fan lazily spun on the ceiling, casting its light around the room.

I knocked on the window. Rachel looked up, and saw me. She squinted, as though I was a gem and might have had an imperfection. She got up and walked over to the window. After another squinting session, she realized it was me. She let out a quick scream and opened the window. I clamored inside of her room, tripped and banged my head. My ass still hurt...

"Oh my god, your alive! I can't believe it!" she said excitedly, through quietly, trying not to wake her parents and alert them of a boy in her room. "Even though I barely know you and I'm supposed to be a Church girl, I'm going to have sex with you again!"

"No way, I'm having sex with him!" announced another girl, whom I never met before.

"How about we have a threesome?" I suggested. They agreed.

(insert sex scene here, because I ain't writing it)

I looked to the left and right. Hot, naked girls whom I just had a wild orgy with were sleeping on each arm. I replayed that orgy in my head, and my penis perked up a bit, and looked around. I ignored it; it was sore and out of cum.

And then I woke up.

AW, DAMN IT!

Then I remembered that greensucksbluerules killed Rachel off, even though she survived the actual story. That fucking faggot. Has me anally raped and makes me only dream of having sex with two girls? No way he can be straight.

Eventually, I arrived in North Dakota. The next day, Johan made me appear as a house assessor, so I could enter people houses in hopes of finding the sword. I went to the first house on the street and rang the door bell. The door opened and-

"Oh shit!" I yelled.

It was Chris! I knew I had forgotten to wipe someone's memory...

"Who the fuck are you?" Chris asked.

"Umm.. I'm with the Home Assessment Group, and I'm here to assess your house." I was supprised he didn't realize who I was.

He let me in and I thought I had encountered the Noatlag's owner. Instead, I was shocked to find no sword whatsoever, not even the one he used on me before.

38 houses later...

I arrived at the 38th house and rang the doorbell- WHEN THE FUCKING HOUSE EXPLODED

"A simple 'hello' would have worked," I muttered, ducking out of the way.

Sure enough, the wielder of the Sword of Noatlag came out. I saw it- and suddenly fell down, laughing.

"You're using a sword from Power Rangers!" I laughed.

"We can't all have swords from Soul Calibur," he grumbled. "My name's Craig by the way."

"Jones. Steve Jones".

"I thought your name was Nathan."

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYMORE!"

"Regardless, it's nice to meet you, Steve. I'm on a mission to conquer the world, and I'm guessing you're here to stop me. But I've been trying for years, and you're still a noob. I'm going to make you another offer you can't refuse. Join me and you'll live, be my right hand man, help me rule the world. Or you die."

"When was the last time that worked?"

"It was worth a try. "

And thus began the battle. I manged to hit him once, but he quickly disarmed me and knocked me down. The fight was over already? The writer must be fucking lazy...

I was now defenseless against an unbeatable foe. Craig strode over to me, and said "Why did you even try?" with as much spite as I had ever heard anyone have on their tongue. He raised his sword high above his head.

"Wait!" I said breathlessly, hoping that he would listen, "Can I answer your question?"

Craig lowered his sword an inch, and said "It was rhetorical, but fine. It's not like you can kill me now."

"Well, I fought you mainly because I thought I could win, but also because I'm the good guy, who always wins." And with those last words, I summoned as much energy as I could, and focused it into my 2 fists. I forced them both forward in a punch, missed him, and instead hit a rock, breaking my hands.

"Hate to tell you, but greensucksbluerules hates that 'good guy always wins' shit," Craig said. He raised his sword again-

Only for a golden object to connect with Craig's head, effectively sending it into orbit. It was Chris, who was now using a hammer, instead of a sword.

"You owe me big time," Chris told me.

"Really?" I asked.

"Nope," he replied and swung the hammer down on me. At least a shitty, unfunny parody of Part III (whenever it gets completed) wouldn't be made now.

Here's the epic battle between Nathan/Steve and Craig. Yes, Steve/Nathan was green (which is why I killed him) and Craig was a tranny who fucked your dad and swallowed.

Updated: 02/25/08 6:02 PM 7 comments | Log in to comment! | Share this!

If you ever become well-known over the Internet, you've bound to get an article about you on Encyclopedia Dramatica. Here's how I think you should and shouldn't handle it.

How you should: (like bigbadron)

1. Attack the people who edit the article, not the site itself.
2. Point out spelling errors in the insults and make fun of the insults themselves.
3. Get attention out of the whole ordeal and never appear to hate it.
4. And just simply laugh it off.

How you shouldn't: (like goronchev)

1. Make it appear that you're going after the site for other reasons.
2. Believe that people were being serious about the stuff they wrote about you.
3. Claim that ED wasn't worth your time.
4. Blank the article.
5. Thank other people for attention, while still hating ED.

And I myself wish I had an article on Encyclopedia Dramatica...

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There's no doubt in my mind that Newgrounders hate theft. All content submitted here should be sent by the correct author. After all, don't we all hate eBaum's World? This thread also shows what some people think of online theft.

Now there is a looped flash entitled Mr Bucket that has recieved positive reviews from users, including a NG staff member. However, the flash is stolen. It's an exact copy of bucket.swf (Google it). I voted 0 on it, because of its unoriginality. And yet, people negatively rated my review.

Hypocrisy?

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They upset the Rams and now it's the Patriots turn to suffer an upset. Of course, New York knows upsets best- didn't the Jets defeat the Colts in what is considered the biggest Superbowl upset?

Here's something I feel is interesting though.

* The Dolphins were the first (and only) NFL team to go undefeated all year.
* As the Patriots won every game this year, the opposite happened to the Dolphins- they lost every game of the season.
* Eventually, the Dolphins won a game. And the Patriots finally lost the last game of the season.
* But is it possible that the Patriots and the Dolphins were supposed to be complete opposites of each other? That if the Dolphins did lose every game of the season, the Patriots would have won every game?

And if that's the case- then the Patriots were supposed to lose.

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Can anyone figure out my real name?

Also, something I made in Paint...

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