It's overrated.

End.

Will suck ass.

You idiots are running the series into the ground.

Amanda paced back and forth in the bedroom wondering how she had gotten herself into this situation in the first place. She could hear the low rumble of conversation coming from downstairs, but she couldn't understand what they were saying. She contemplated escaping, but something was holding her back. Curiosity, I'm guessing, or shock maybe.

Fifteen minutes or so passed before Clara entered and when she did, Amanda jumped back in either surprise or fear.

"What are you so surprised about?" Clara stated it more than asked.

"Well it's simple. These stories are supposed to be told from a first-person perspective. Problem is the narrator isn't a part of this scene and there were no mentions of him entering the room. So please explain to me how this is being told."

"..."

This has a higher score than this.

lol at the "Probably the best anime ever. Ever :)" comment.

Damn, 50th news post.

41. Awesome fighting, guys!
42. Another reason why YouTube sucks.
43. Great Moments in Male Vocal Chord History
44. Part I to that stupid spoof I made (Untitled, because the title I gave Part II sucked)
45. Shameless self-promotion
46. Newgrounds users relationship with moderators.
47. Interviews...
48. Can you believe this guy has the balls to say he's "well-adjusted?"
49. Remember the SOAD Army?

I was thinking of reviving it for a "mission." Well actually a raid on this faggot's profile. His "Since you blocked me you lose and I win" argument towards someone else is fucking hilarious because he blocked me. His grammar sucks horribly and he thought Jacob was me and called him "kid" when it's pretty evident Jake is way older than him. He also left the greatest (actually only) comment on my page.

So what do you say?

Can you believe this guy has the balls to say he's "well-adjusted?" I see a butthurt fan upset that a reviewer liked this film better than Blade Runner. It's time to deflect the hatchet and rape him with it.

I spend most of my free time dicking around on the internet. Whether it's watching reporters getting hurt, trolling oversensitive faggots, or playing rapist-in-training games. But sometimes, I Google the reviews I find on the packaging of films I have. You know, to see if the packaging didn't rearrange the reviewer's words or if it's coming from a magazine or paper that nobody gives a shit about.

So anyways, I figured I search for a review on my VHS copy of Akira that read "...Makes Blade Runner look like Disney World." After all, it's not uncommon to say a movie or game makes a similar movie or game that was very popular appear Disney like by comparison. Like Fatal Frame apparently "made Silent Hill 2 feel like Disneyland." Or Postal 2 made Grand Theft Auto: Vice City "look like a Disney cartoon" (wait, that wasn't a good thing). But instead of finding the full review, I found this.

Psychic Smurf says "Butthurt alert!"

Now I'm going to rip into this "review", just like the Fat Man ripped into Nagasaki.

The movie begins with Tokyo exploding, which for anime is the cliché equivalent of "It was a dark and stormy night." The movie is actually set in a post-apocalyptic place called Neo-Tokyo, a place that has the whole cyberpunk motif of too much neon, bad highways, and pervasive gang violence. Sort of like now, only the gangs have better wardrobes. For some reason, the English dub on my copy has decided to give most of the characters New Jersey accents (I'm serious)(Really serious), so it's hilarious to hear Japanese people sounding like they're being dubbed by the cast of The Sopranos. From my conversations with various otaku (Japanese for "freaks who should never reproduce"), my version of Akira is known as "the bad dub." I still say there are few animes out there with worse dubs than Yu-Gi-Oh!, so anything is a step up from that.

Anyway, the movie's about two motorcycle gang members: Kaneda, a guy with a cool motorcycle and a strange jacket with a picture of a pill on the back, and Tetsuo, a whiny scrawny kid with a very large head. Everyone makes fun of Tetsuo (and by everyone, just me for the following reason) because of his giant skull, which no motorcycle helmet will fit. Kaneda's gang is at war with The Clowns, which makes Kaneda a good guy, because nobody likes clowns. While engaged in a motorcycle chase with these clowns, Tetsuo swerves to miss a little blue person in the road and wrecks his bike. His name is Tito, rejected albino pygmy from the Blue Man Group. He's one of a race of blue people created by the government's Andorian/Hobbit Hybrid Program, and they want him back! (Most of this is just joking around and if you joke around, you'll get lost in a movie).

The blue guy just escaped from the military, but it isn't long before choppers swoop in and recapture him. They're led by another blue guy who looks like a shrunken Louis Anderson. All of the blue folks are short and wrinkly, like Smurfs who have Methuselah Syndrome. I have no idea where they come from (MISSED THE FLASHBACK SCENE LOL), why they're blue (REFER TO WHAT I MISSED LOL), or what their role in anything is (MISSED THAT THEY BROUGHT BACK AKIRA). All they seem to do is scowl and say foreboding things like "This chapter's finished," "The future is not a straight line," and "I'll never join you, Dooku." The blue guys take the injured Tetsuo, too, and take him back to a super-science lab to diddle with his DNA. But something goes wrong, and Tetsuo suddenly develops godlike power over every living thing on the planet. But Tetsuo is damaged goods because of all the teasing about the giant planetoid he calls a head, and instead of using his powers for the good of humanity-- like finding the ultimate no-workout weight loss plan-- he decides that inflicting horrible petty apocalyptic revenge on the planet is more fun. If I had hair like Tetsuo, I'd be angry and vindictive too.

If you've ever seen a Godzilla movie in your life, you won't be surprised to learn that the Japanese military is about as useful as men's nipples. The army goes to pieces faster than the Packers' secondary defense, but luckily Kenada's around to save the day. Where the entire armed forces of Japan fail, Kaneda manages to duel the demigod Tetsuo to stalemate twice and escape with his life. It must be the motorcycle (Or maybe that they're still friends). Unfortunately for Tetsuo, he didn't have Master Yoda around to have him float stuff around while standing on his head, and he can't control his powers. The big-headed dope's powers go bonkers, and he transforms into a gargantuan city-sized mass of chaotic shrieking fleshy stuff (like Star Jones). And then Tokyo blows up again. I know, it seems like a minimal plot, but frankly that's all there is to it. Oh, they pad it up with other stuff. There are clunky, stilted discussions of how stupid politicians are and their inability to learn from past Armageddons, a romance subplot that stalls from the outset, and an attack by malicious teddy bears who spew milk. I can't make that up.

All that comprises a scant 45 minutes of screen time, however. Here's what they fill the other half of the movie with:

"TETSUO!" *zzzzaaaapppp!*

"KANEDA!" *SCHWING* *CRASH*

"GRRRRRR!!! RRAAAAAAA!!! TEEEEETSSSUUUUOOOOOO!!!!" *FWOOSH!!*

"EEEEYYYAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGH!!!! KAAAAANEEEEEDAAAAA!!!" *SPLORCH SQUISH*

"TETSUOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The majority of Akira is grunting, shouting, panting, growling, screaming (which were actually added in by the dub. That's like saying the cast of One Piece spent the majority of their time making stupid jokes and puns), and Kaneda playing name tag with Tetsuo (better than "Believe it!"). You might make a drinking game out of it, such as taking a shot whenever someone shouts "Tetsuo" or "Kaneda," but I think you'd die of alcohol poisoning (because people would die from alcohol poisoning in one minute.). I haven't heard this much angry screaming since I tried being a professional male stripper. Maybe the sidewalk wasn't the best place to try it. Becoming evil seems to inspire Tetsuo to speak like Jack Nicholson, but I suppose there are less-menacing people to sound like when you've become The Beyonder. I still can't stop wondering why an all-powerful being would pick that haircut (Don't leave Vegeta out of this). I'm also wondering how long it'll be before they make a good giant comic movie, like Watchmen. I love Rorshach almost as much as I love Morgan Webb. And if you don't know who she is, don't bother finding out, because she's mine. Mine! Mine, do you hear?? Soon I will collect all the Sacred Egyptian God Cards, and nations will kneel at my feet and weep at my glory! Any who resist will be crushed utterly by my Veritech squadrons and Gundam mecha! KANEDAAAAAA!!!!

I'll give credit where it's due. If you're watching a cartoon, it either has bad animation, good animation, or it's Akira. It's full of surreal, weird imagery on an epic scale. You'll see things that were never meant to be drawn, and they've made them breathtakingly gorgeous to behold. The action sequences are swift, gory, and brutal. I could say the words "a giant tentacle-covered fleshy cancer devours Tokyo," but to see it animated in Akira is akin to a religious experience. It's a rare movie that can show me something I've never seen before, and Akira is definitely one of those movies. It's also one of the most unfulfilling, confusing films you'll ever see, because by the time it's over, you'll have absolutely no idea what in the hell just happened. It's sort of like every girl I ever dated in college. I have no idea why Tetsuo has suddenly become the Kwizatz Haderach (Because he lost control?). I don't know who Akira is or why they've sealed all his internal bits floating in Tang in individual Mason jars (WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO THE COLONEL'S SPEECH!). I don't know why he's buried under a football field (Does it matter?). I don't know why people worship Akira as a savior (Religious satire, maybe?). "Come back and kill us all, Akira! We love you!" I don't know who the Methuselah Smurfs are, or where they came from (AGAIN, MISSED THE FLASHBACK SCENE!). I don't know why they're still continuing with this Akira-related experimental stuff, especially since he already nuked Tokyo once already and he's sort of making a habit out of it (Because politicians are idiots). I don't know why Kaneda--who is, as far as I can tell, a normal guy who is only cool because he has a motorcycle-- is able to engage in protracted battles with Tetsuo, who can make your head explode if a naughty thought crosses his mind (Because they've known each other for so long?). Why do teddy bears want to kill him? (Because they were the so-called Smurfs and they wanted to stop him?)

What I really puzzle over is why Akira seems to want to end on a high, hopeful note (which it really doesn't...) The entire city just got turned into smoking glass, and I'm supposed to be feeling good about it? The skies are blackened with the ashes of several million innocent people, crushed under the heel of a maniacal demigod, and they want me to be thankful to Akira and his holy blue gnomes for saving the day? (No, we're supposed to remember that Japan will rebuild again) Suck it, Akira! (No comment there)

Well that's that. This guy actually admitted that Blade Runner was special to him. And if he didn't like the film, why did he claim to enjoy referencing it? Now I gotta go. I want to see if anyone said that Ghost in the Shell was better than Blade Runner and watch him attack that.

I think somebody's drunk. Guess who left the band?

Fucking rotter.

Unrelated, but I don't care.