I watched her pass for the millionth time (yeah, I'm taking too long) as she walked by my house on her way home from her night shift at work. The dim streetlights flickered against her beautiful blonde hair as she stared down at her feet. In most InsertFunnyUsername stories, the narrator gets raped. But here, I get to be the rapist. Woohoo! :D

Her name was Rangiku- no, wait, I wasn't that lucky. Her name was Amanda and she was the daughter of the old neighbor I had when I was still living back in Michigan. She never knew me, but I'd watched her every day of the 30 years I'd known her. She moved here about six months ago and has had the same owl-like schedule ever since. She left for work at seven, worked until two, and then calmly walked home in the dark like nothing could ever hurt her.

So this pissed me off, and after waiting this long, it was time for the fun to start. And like all girls getting stalked, she got backed up into a wall.

"You. You're that stalker that's always watching me. I've been wondering when you'd actually approach me." She smiled, but I merely laughed at her half-assed attempt to deter me.

"Yeah. And you know the drill."

"You shouldn't have taken it for granted that I gave you the freedom of your hands." I whispered solemnly as I grabbed her arms and bound her wrists painfully tight.

Even though she cringed in pain, that strange smile had yet to leave her face. "What are you, some kind of masochist?" I was irritated, but still calm and amused.

"What are you, some kind of idiot?" She sneered and stared at the ground as if waiting to get hit for doing so. I stepped on her back and pushed her to the ground so that pretty little face of hers was lying in the dirt.

"What are you, someone who makes wise-cracking remarks when faced with danger?"

"No, I just can't stop staring at your ugly face."

"THAT IS IT."

I then moved so that I was kneeling over her with my hand pushing her head down. She made some noises of disapproval as I undid and tore off her shirt and bra, but there was nothing else she could do to stop me. I slowly took off her pants and then (smiling) the thong she was wearing.

"Go the fuck away you disgusting pervert!" she whimpered.

"Don't you think I'm a little beyond that, right now?"

(after the fucking, because we can't embed sex videos)

"Well, well. Is my little pet in submission?" I smiled. Embarrassed, she closed her eyes, but I took her face in my hand. "Well?"

"Y - yes. Yes sir." She opened her eyes and looked at me again as the humiliation caused her nipples to go erect.

"Good." I untied her wrists, which were now cut and bleeding from the tight bindings, and retied the rope just as tight around her neck. "Now put your cloths on stay quiet. We got it made unless Spinal Tap finds us..."

The first three are just actors... but I'm not sure what to say about the last one...

You'd honestly hope this guy's username and message should cue people into realizing he's not the person in the videos he uploaded...

Also voyeurism and 70s yiff.

31. Don't rape hitchhikers.
32. Requiem for a level
33. 25 Things That Make You Hardcore.
34. Bite - Part II
35. Dickgirls and Furries (HOLY FUCK, AN ORIGINAL STORY)
36. Have you noticed...
37. Oh the irony...
38. I am so going to hell.
39. You guys suck.

I've had a shitty week, so now it's time for me to list the users I hate the most on this fucking site.

alicetheDroog: Posts images that make me hurl.
Black-Ops: Never finished an avatar- that he began work on in September '07!
Cericon: Everyone else seems to hate him, so...
EvilerBower1001: Lazy idiot who takes damn near forever to update the heretics section on the SOAD army page.
Infinite-one: Jumped the furry bandwagon to become popular and is now turning emo and leaving the site. Pussy.
PantyWipe: Responsible for Heath Ledger's death.
robattle: Votes zero on quality flashes.
Ronald-McDonald-LoL: With a name like that, you can tell he's obese.
TehreTard: Retarded PS3 fanboy.
TwilightFox: A total fucking asshole. Meanest bastard I've ever encountered.
sharingankakashi13: Wannabe troll with a bad username.
xXCostelloXx: Can't spell and fucks TwilightFox every day of the week.

Go fall off a tower, fucking homos.

Let fanboys be fanboys.

That the intelligence of my news posts are gradually decreasing?

By the time you are done reading this, I can promise you one thing - you will piss yourself.

Our story begins in NigCity (yes I said NigCity. Deal with it), where TehreTard had scheduled a Jersey meet with Bomshaw and greensucksbluerules. But first, he needed to go outside for some reason and ran into a blonde kid.

Blonde kid: Hey man, you got any money?
TehreTard: Yes. But I'll only give it to you if you spend it on a PS3.
Blonde kid: Fuck no! It's too damn expensive!
TehreTard: Well then fuck you!
Blonde kid: Oh no you didn't! I'm going to fuck you up with my whip! Oh shit, I forgot it... Well I can still kick your ass! Wait, is that a combat knife? HOLY FUCK NO! Oh God, are those my nads you're hacking off?! Jesus Christ, they are!

Don't worry kids, Blondie survived... he just wouldn't be able to commit unspeakable acts to poor, defenseless rabbits anymore.

So eventually, TehreTard, greensucksbluerules, and Bomshaw arrived at the same house.

Bomshaw: Alright, we're all here. Now what was the point of this again?
greensucksbluerules: Fucked if I know. What are supposed to do?
TehreTard: How about we play TF2? Wait, my computer's fucked...
Bomshaw: Let's all have a gay buttsex orgy.

Before anyone could react to that comment, they were shot at by Black-Ops, as greensucksbluerules didn't stop depositing, the no-life faggot, until Ops fell out of the tree he was in. Why? Because he slipped on a banana peel! lulz, I'm so funny.

To make a long story short:

The gay buttsex orgy didn't happen. It didn't. Stop asking.

Kyle and Brandon were having a good time, until Kyle accidentally bit off Brandon's weenie, while giving head. Don't receive oral from a fox, stupid.

HURRRRRRR LITERALLY TOO FAT TO PUSH AND PUNCH THE JOYPAD

Grant and Alice got it on. Even though Grant was just a disembodied head the whole time.

Revy was gunned down by HUNK because she was more interested in leaving little to the imagination than wearing fucking body armor. Stop tantalizing the fanboys, dumbass.

TakeMyXbox was never seen again.

stnerapruoyllik

PantyWipe damn near went blind from vaginal fluid.

Disintegrating genitals.

THE END!

Gross.